


Wake Me Up Before You Go

by recycledhearts



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 19:01:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14195658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/recycledhearts/pseuds/recycledhearts
Summary: Over the last year, she’s realized a lot of things about her relationship with Scott, but the main one is this: he’s ready to commit to her, and she’s not sure what she wants.Ultimately, she knows that explains everything, from the distance between them, to the way that he’s always happy to see her in spite of that distance, to the odd current state of their relationship. He’s taking what he thinks he can get, she’s living the life she thinks she wants, and in between they meet up occasionally and reconnect.





	Wake Me Up Before You Go

It’s sweltering in Montreal, and Tessa’s laying back on Scott’s bed, staring aimlessly at his ceiling fan. She can feel the sweat dripping down her face; even the fan can’t help with that today. Although her overheated feeling might also have something to do with what she and Scott were doing a little while ago.

He’s gone now, training his junior team at the rink, and she’s left alone with her thoughts and an improperly cooled condo. It’s the first time they’ve seen each other in nearly two months - they haven’t been good at keeping in touch, and she isn’t sure why. She lets out a yawn and imagines she can still feel his hands on her, how he started with feather light touches and ended with a possessive grip. 

As she stretches her arms above her head, she’s distracted by a bead of sweat dripping onto her chest. Gross. She needs to get up and take a shower. And then maybe she can try to figure out what she’s doing here.

*

Two months isn’t the longest they’ve ever gone without seeing each other, but it’s long enough. It’s ridiculous when she thinks about it - they both live in Montreal, ten minutes away from each other. 

She knows that the distance started after the Olympics, with her insistence on figuring out who she was as a person independent from him. They got back from their tours, and she told him she needed some time. Maybe they shouldn’t get together so much. Maybe they should only talk once a week. She could tell he wasn’t happy about it, but as with most things, he defaulted to giving her what she wanted with no questions asked. 

So, they didn’t talk much for three months, and they saw each other even less. That was last summer. She hadn’t had any extended staring sessions with his ceiling fan back then. She doesn’t think she’s gotten used to his absence exactly, more like the ache of missing him would ebb to a dull throb until the next time she saw him when it would all come rushing back.

That ache, she supposes, is how she ended up here, in his condo, drying her hair with a Maple Leafs novelty towel. She really needs to get him to buy some presentable decor.

*

It’s not like it’s the first time they’ve done this, but it is the first time it’s happened _here_ , in Scott’s condo. 

They hadn’t planned for it this time either, just ran into one another at a coffee shop yesterday. Her heart had stuttered in her chest when she walked into the shop only to see him waiting for his drink at the counter.

“Hey stranger,” she had said, light and breezy, like her palms hadn’t started sweating at the sight of him.

His face lit up as he turned towards her. “T! What are you doing here?” 

“Just a coffee stop on my way home. I was at the gym.”

She remembers the way his eyes had traced down her body, noticing her workout clothes and gym bag on the floor next to her.

“You want some company?” he asked next, and of course she had said yes.

The rest of the day passed too quickly; they strolled down the streets of Montreal, seemingly talking about everything and nothing and exchanging casually affectionate gestures (his hand on the small of her back, her arm linked through his). They stopped to look out over the river and she wondered, not for the first time, why their relationship felt so complicated sometimes. In moments like this, when it was just the two of them, it felt like the easiest and most natural thing in the world.

“So… not to be presumptuous or anything, but do you want to come over?” He didn’t look at her when he said it, and she could hear the nervousness in his voice. 

She turned to him with a small smile. 

“Absolutely.”

*

Tessa walks into Scott’s kitchen only to see a chocolate croissant sitting on the counter next to a note that just says “Enjoy”. He had drawn a messy smiley face beneath, along with a hastily scrawled “S”.

She lets out a sigh when she sees it. It’s not that she isn’t grateful, more that every nice thing he does just makes her feel more guilty.

Over the last year, she’s realized a lot of things about her relationship with Scott, but the main one is this: he’s ready to commit to her, and she’s not sure what she wants.

Ultimately, she knows that explains everything, from the distance between them, to the way that he’s always happy to see her in spite of that distance, to the odd current state of their relationship. He’s taking what he thinks he can get, she’s living the life she thinks she wants, and in between they meet up occasionally and reconnect.

She loves being with him. That much she knows with certainty. What scares her is everything else. She’s not interested in having kids. She doesn’t even know if she ever wants to get married. And she can’t imagine Scott’s life without either of those things. He deserves to have everything he’s ever wanted, and she doesn’t want to hold him back. So they’re stuck in this kind of limbo. They get together occasionally. They have sex. They don’t talk for awhile. And then they repeat the cycle. 

*

Throughout the fall, Tessa can feel Scott inching closer to his breaking point. He’s less satisfied with seeing her in small doses; he asks her to dinner, to movies, for walks in the park. He texts her daily and invites her over to his condo regularly. She says yes more often than not, but he can tell she’s still holding back. 

Finally, it all comes to a head in October, the day before Halloween. He’s heading home to Ilderton, and he wants her to come along.

“Come on T, it’ll be fun. We’ll go on a little road trip, and you’ll get to see all the kids in their costumes tomorrow. Plus, I know my mom would love to see you. She asks about you all the time.”

She sighs, her eyes downcast. Going on this trip feels too much like he would be bringing her home to introduce her as his girlfriend. And she isn’t, not really. 

“Scott… I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why not, Tess? Give me a reason. I need a real one this time.” 

He’s looking at her expectantly, and she can already tell this conversation isn’t going to end well. He doesn’t usually push her, so she knows this must really be bothering him.

She doesn’t want to, but she says the words anyway. “Because… because it would look like we’re something that we’re not.”

“What aren’t we, Tess? Dating? Together?”

“I don’t know what we are. That’s the point!” The words are bursting out of her now, and she feels powerless to stop them. “I don’t want to go visit your family and have them think we’re a couple.” 

“Well why aren’t we? I love you, Tess. I’ve loved you for years. I can’t think of anything, _anything_ , that I want more in the world than to be with you.”

She’s shaking now and feels like she’s on the verge of bursting into tears.

This is it. She can feel it. The moment she’s been dreading since they started whatever this is last year.

“Scott, I just, I don’t…”

She takes a breath.

“I’m not ready to settle down. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to do that.” 

“I’m not trying to chain you down, Tess. I just want to be with you.” 

He looks so sad, and Tessa can barely find words to respond.

“I’m not saying that you are. But I _know_ you Scott. I know you want a family and… a settled home life. And I just don’t think I can give that to you.”

“I just want you. I don’t care about anything else. This doesn’t have to be complicated.” He looks desperate now, and she can’t believe they’ve come to this.

Over twenty years together, and for the first time she feels like they’re having a conversation they won’t be able to recover from.

“I can’t. I’m so sorry, and I love you so much. But I can’t.” She closes her eyes and feels sick to her stomach. 

He looks stunned and devastated. She never wants to see that look on his face again.

“Tess, I just… can’t have you, but not have you, you know?”

“Yeah,” she says with a shaky breath, “I know.”

“So is this it then?” she asks in a small voice.

“It doesn’t have to be. But for some reason, it seems like you want it to be. I can’t keep doing this with you, not knowing what you want, or if you’ll still be there in the morning.”

“I just…” He’s crying now, and Tessa has never felt more ashamed.

“I can’t do it anymore. This is killing me, T. It’s just too much.” 

She doesn’t even realize she’s crying too until he reaches out to wipe the tears off her cheeks. Even now, while she’s breaking his heart, he can’t help trying to comfort her.

He’s such a good person, and she doesn’t know what’s wrong with her that she can’t just say yes to him, can’t just accept what he’s offering her.

“I’m sorry,” she chokes out before starting to sob. He pulls her to him then, and they just hold each other and cry into the curves of each other’s necks. She’s not sure how long it goes on, but eventually he pulls back and wipes his eyes.

“I think I should go now. I need to hit the road if I’m gonna be there before dark.” 

“Scott, I…”

He cuts her off. “Don’t, okay. I think we’ve said enough for one day.”

She’s still weeping silently and reaches out to take his hand. He looks down then, at her small right hand clasped in his left, and gives a gentle squeeze.

“Take care of yourself, Tess.”

And she knows as soon as she hears it that it’s his way of saying goodbye. Because he won’t be there to take care of her anymore.

*

Tessa spends three days replaying their conversation in her head, and another two trying not to call Scott just so she can hear his voice. She also spends all of those days crying. Sometimes in public. 

She realizes that she’s most definitely not okay when she starts weeping in the middle of the Montreal Botanical Gardens. She knew from the start that coming here was a mistake, but she couldn’t help herself. What was one more bad decision in a week full of them?

The Japanese Garden here was Scott’s favorite, and she couldn’t even count the number of times they had visited it together. She thinks back to the last time, not even a month prior. They had stood on the edge of the koi pond, holding hands, with her head on his shoulder. They didn’t need to say anything to one another and just enjoyed the moment. And the more she thinks about it, the more devastated she feels at the idea of never again experiencing a day like that with him.

Maybe she isn’t ready to get married or have kids. Maybe she would never be. But for the first time, looking down at the colorful fish, seeing the trees about to lose their leaves for winter, she thinks maybe there’s another path forward. 

*

“I think I fucked up.”

Tessa can hear Jordan’s gasp on the other side of the phone. She swears so infrequently that Jordan knows it’s serious.

“What happened? Are you okay?”

“Scott told me he wants to be with me.” She struggles to decide what to say next. 

“And I… I didn’t react well.”

“Oh my god, Tess! What do you mean, you didn’t react well? And what do you mean Scott said that to you? Tess, that’s like… that’s huge!”

This, Tessa thinks, is the problem with being so private that you don’t tell people things as they happen. You end up having to fill them in on two years of your life within two sentences.

“We’ve been, well, sleeping together I guess, since last year. And...”

Jordan can’t help but interrupt. “Okay, wait, what? You’ve been sleeping with Scott since _last year_ , and I’m just hearing about this now!”

Tessa can’t handle managing Jordan’s reaction to this on top of everything else. The words just start falling out of her mouth.

“Yes, okay, and no one knows, and I’m sorry for not telling you, but we weren’t telling anyone, and anyway, it’s not happening anymore because he told me he’s in love with me, and I said I didn’t want to settle down, and now we haven’t spoken in a week, and I think I ruined my life.” 

“Holy shit, Tess.”

Tessa rolls her eyes. “Yeah.”

“Scott actually said he’s in love with you? And wants to be with you?”

“Yes, and I reacted badly, and now… Now, I don’t know what to do or how to feel.”

Tessa can almost hear Jordan thinking over the phone. Finally, her sister speaks.

“Well do you want to be with him?”

Tessa can’t help the tears that start rolling down her cheeks. She’s cried enough in the past week to last a lifetime.

“I still don’t want to settle down. But I think… Scott said that he just wants me. And I think maybe I was too quick to not believe him.”

“Tess, I think you need to talk to him.”

“I don’t know if I can. You didn’t see him that day. It was like his life had just ended. He doesn’t want to see me. I just… I can’t believe I let this happen.”

She doesn’t say anything else, just cries softly into the phone.

“Tessa, this is _Scott_. He’s been in love with you forever. He would do anything for you. You can’t just let this go without a fight.”

“But what do I do?”

“You _talk to him_ , Tess! What else were all those years of therapy for?”

Tessa lets out a watery laugh. “Yeah, I guess so. I just… I love him, Jordan. So much. And I hurt him so badly.”

“Then you need make it right. Before it’s too late.”

*

Tessa swallows her pride and knocks on the door. 

She’s practically vibrating with the urge to run, to just turn around and escape down the street, but she keeps her feet firmly planted. She needs to do this. The rest of her life is on the line.

The door opens, and Tessa holds her breath.

“Tessa? I didn’t know you were in town!” 

Tessa looks into Alma’s happily surprised face and realizes three things simultaneously: Scott has clearly not told his mother anything about what transpired between them; she missed Scott’s family more than she would have thought; and, perhaps most importantly, Scott more than likely isn’t here.

“Come in, come in! What brings you in to town? Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t know you would be here, I would have arranged a dinner with everyone.”

“That’s okay. I was actually… well, I was actually hoping to talk to Scott. I thought he was in town visiting?”

Alma furrows her brow. “Well he was supposed to come by last week, but he had to cancel. Said he had the flu. I thought you would know?”

Tessa realizes how little thought she put into this whole plan when she sees the confused look on Alma’s face. She had woken up that morning and, figuring that Scott would probably still be upset and licking his wounds at home, made the decision to drive to his parents' house. Now, nearly eight hours and a mostly delirious drive later, she has no idea what she was thinking.

Wouldn’t it have made more sense to go to his condo first considering it was ten minutes away from where she lives? Or to just call him? She clearly hasn’t been thinking straight for a while. 

“Oh, I didn’t know. I… we… I actually haven’t spoken to him since last week. Sorry to bother you,” Tessa says nervously before turning back towards the front door.

“Nonsense! I haven’t seen you in months. I’ve missed you dear, we need to catch up.”

And then she pulls Tessa into a hug that Tessa definitely feels she doesn’t deserve. 

When Alma pulls back and looks into Tessa’s face she’s unmistakably concerned. “Are you okay, honey?”

Most horrifyingly of all, Tessa can feel the tears prickling at the backs of her eyes. She can’t do this, turn into a crying mess and take comfort from Scott’s mother for breaking his heart. Also, hasn’t she cried enough this week? How does she even have any tears left?

Thankfully, she keeps most of the tears at bay, but she can feel one escape, tracking a sad trail down the side of her face. 

“Yes, sorry, I will be. I’m just tired, I think. It was a long drive. And a long week, I guess.”

Tessa can tell that Alma doesn’t believe her, but she doesn’t say anything further about it. 

“Well you must be hungry dear, let’s get you a snack.”

And that’s how Tessa finds herself eating a sandwich in the Moir family kitchen and contemplating whether Scott will ever speak to her again.

*

Tessa can tell that Alma is being extra gentle with her, as if she’s afraid of scaring her. She asks her fairly generic questions about her fashion line and sponsorships, things that Tessa is sure Scott has told her about already since Alma asks about her regularly.

“Well I’m sure your family is expecting you at home, but if you feel too tired to drive, you’re more than welcome to stay here,” Alma says in a soothing voice.

Tessa once again can’t believe how little thought she’s given to all of this - her family doesn’t even know she’s in town. She can’t deal with her mother’s questions right now.

“Actually, if you don’t mind, staying here would be great. I’m just exhausted,” Tessa says with a sheepish smile, and this time, she isn’t lying.

“Of course, of course. Why don’t you stay in Scotty’s old room? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind!”

She takes Tessa by the hand and pulls her up the stairs to Scott’s childhood bedroom. It’s full of photos of the two of them when they were young, old skating trophies, and hockey paraphernalia. 

She looks at the bed and sees the stuffed alligator she had given him for his eleventh birthday sitting proudly in the middle.

Alma turns to her then and pulls her into another hug. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I can tell something’s wrong. Just remember that we’ll always be here for you, whatever you need. All of us.” 

Alma steps back then and gives Tessa a wry smile. “Scotty wouldn’t have it any other way.”

*

Tessa blinks awake slowly and turns onto her back. She feels unsettled for a moment as she struggles to recognize the unfamiliar room around her.

Then it all comes rushing back. Right, she’s in Ilderton, in Scott’s childhood bedroom, and her life is a disaster.

Waking up alone in Scott’s bed and trying to figure out what to do with herself seems to be a trend in her life now. 

She picks up her phone off the nightstand and can hardly believe it when she sees that it’s 2 PM. She was more tired than she thought.

She gets dressed quickly (at least she had remembered to pack a few things; it was pretty much the only planning she had done), throws her hair up in a messy bun, and decides to forgo a shower considering how late it already is.

Her heart feels like it’s going to drop out of her chest when she makes it to the bottom of the stairs and sees Scott sitting on the sofa.

She stumbles and drops her bag when he looks up at her.

“Hi,” she squeaks out in small voice.

She can’t quite read the expression on his face, but she thinks it would be fair to say that he’s not pleased.

“What are you doing here, Tessa?”

She starts babbling nervously, “When did you get here? I thought you were still in Montreal? Did you…”

He looks exasperated, exhausted, and just done. “My mom called me. She was worried. Like, really worried. I got up at 5 AM to drive here. I’ll admit I didn’t think you would still be asleep when I got in.”

He shakes his head and looks away from her.

“What are you doing here, Tessa?” he repeats, this time in a mostly broken voice.

“I needed to talk to you,” she says before looking down at the floor.

“And you came to Ilderton? When you know I live in Montreal? Or, you know, you could have just called me.” He stands up and starts pacing, continuing to shake his head like he can’t comprehend anything that’s happening.

Yesterday, Tessa had felt like she was as prepared as she would ever be to have this conversation. Now, she just feels sleepy and anxious.

“I just… I needed to talk to you. And I thought you would be here. I didn’t want to do this over the phone.” She wishes she were more awake right now. She’s an emotional mess, and there’s a high likelihood that she’s going to say the wrong thing. 

“What’s left to say? I think you made yourself pretty clear last time we spoke.”

In that moment, Tessa realizes that while she’s spent the last week crying and coming to huge life revelations, Scott spent it getting angry. She supposes he has a right, but it’s going to make talking to him about this that much more difficult.

“I messed up, I think.” 

He nearly scoffs at her. “You think?”

Okay, she needs to be more straightforward. He deserves it.

She takes a deep breath to brace herself, opens her mouth, and does the scariest, most vulnerable thing she’s ever done in her life.

“I know. I know I made a mistake. And I know I love you. That I’m in love with you. That I can’t imagine my life with anyone else. I still don’t know if I ever want to get married, but I think we could make this work. I want to make it work. In whatever way we can. Because you’re it for me. You always have been. I’m sorry about last week, and last year, and that you felt like I didn’t want you. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. If you’ll let me.”

And, surprisingly, she isn’t crying at the end of her little speech. She actually feels steady for the first time all week.

For an excruciating moment, Scott stares at her, speechless and frozen.

Tessa feels like the world has stopped moving while she waits for him to react.

Then he murmurs her name in the softest tone she’s ever heard from him and moves forward swiftly to place both hands on the sides of her face.

“Tess,” he breathes out again like he can’t believe she’s real. 

She’s never seen the look in his eyes before, a pure kind of hope mixed with elation. 

Or maybe it’s just love, she thinks. She always did have a tendency to overcomplicate things.

Then he kisses her, and she stops thinking altogether.

*

The problem with this happening in Scott’s parents' house is that, well, it’s _Scott’s parents' house_.

They break apart when Alma and Joe come through the door, grocery bags in hand. 

“I hope you kids are hungry… Oh!” Alma exclaims as she watches them jump apart.

“Mom!” Scott groans, and Tessa can’t help it, she bursts out into a fit of giggles.

After all of the stress, pain, and heartache of the past week, it feels good to laugh again. 

Scott looks on in amused fondness while she tries to calm down. 

Then, he takes her by the hand and starts pulling her towards the door.

“T and I are gonna go for a drive, get out of your hair for a bit.” 

Alma grabs her before they make it outside and gives her a hug. “It’s good to see you laughing again.”

Tessa gives her a broad smile. “Thanks for letting me stay here. And thanks for calling him,” she adds softly.

“Of course, honey.”

* 

Scott’s mostly quiet as they drive away from his childhood home. 

Tessa looks over at him, and she can tell he’s struggling to find the words to say something.

“Just say it. I think we need to get better at talking about this sort of stuff.”

He hesitates. 

“Believe me, I’m thrilled about this, but last week you seemed pretty adamant that this wasn’t what you wanted. And I… I just need to know that you’re not going to change your mind. Because this past week? I can’t do that again. I won’t come out of it in one piece.”

He turns to look at her when they stop at a red light, and she reaches out to take his hand.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow or a year from now. But I do know when I imagine the future, I see you in it. This past week when I thought I had lost you... It made me realize what I want. And that’s a life with you. I’m just sorry it took me so long to figure it out.”

The light changes to green, and he lets out a relieved sigh.

He doesn’t let go of her hand.

*

Tessa recognizes the irony in what’s happening, but she’s too content to care.

A week ago, she and Scott had the worst fight of their lives about the fact that she didn’t want to go home with him and have his family think they were a couple.

Now, his parents have walked in on them kissing, and she’s sitting at their dining room table eating dinner with his family. 

She puts her hand on Scott’s knee underneath the table, and he turns to her with a grin. He looks more at peace and relaxed than she’s ever seen him, and she knows she made the right decision. 

Later, they go upstairs to his room and squeeze into his old twin bed.

He shuffles closer to the edge to try to give them more space. “Maybe we should lose the alligator.”

“We can’t, he kept me such good company yesterday,” she says sleepily.

Scott just chuckles faintly. “You know, I still remember the day that you gave this to me?”

She shakes her head where it rests on his shoulder and tries to keep her eyes open.

“You said it reminded you of me, but you wouldn’t tell me why.”

“Must have been the big mouth and scaly exterior,” she mumbles.

He nudges her gently and lets out a laugh.

She’s silent for a couple minutes; he thinks she’s fallen asleep, but then she moves her head to look up at him.

“It was the eyes. Something about them, it made me think of you. How you were always looking out for me when we skated.”

He glances down at the stuffed animal. “He actually looks kind of murderous.”

She laughs softly. “I don’t know. I was nine. Who knows what I was thinking.”

“That you had the greatest skating partner ever and were going to spend the rest of your life with him?”

Her eyes crinkle at the sides as she smiles at him. 

“Something like that.”

She leans up to give him a quick kiss, and then she’s out like a light.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I’m sorry for what’s basically an angst fest (even if it has a happy ending). That totally wasn’t what I intended when I started this story, but it happened anyway. This was actually supposed to be a story about how it was hot in Montreal and then they had sex? I… don’t know how this happened. Like Tessa, I regret many of my life choices. But I’d be curious to hear what everyone thinks! Thanks for reading!


End file.
